fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
