y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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