The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
