imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
