my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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