So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
