what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
