from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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