Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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