It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
