There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
