like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
