i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
