we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
