id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
