I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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