I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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