i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Help. Why am I so naked?
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