So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
