wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
