i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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