btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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