hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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