Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
