apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
