We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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