They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
