Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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