you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
