they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Actions speak louder than pants.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
