I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
