First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
