I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
