Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
