She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
