You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
