I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
