so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
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