Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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