guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
