Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
