It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
