why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
