Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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