If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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