My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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