chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
