Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
