just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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