MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
